fat guys like me

I was at the bar the other night and I actually got a guy checking me out from across the room. At least I think thats what it means when a guy makes intense eye contact twice within a couple minutes time. It HAS been a long time since I was on the dating scene and I could have forgotten what few rules I did manage to learn. Anyway, he was pretty good looking, just fat. And I'm still fat so it made me feel pretty good even if there was no chance of rubbing belly rolls deep into the night until we are both sweaty and chafed.

Did my cat learn her eating habits from me?

I realize that everyone and her cat has a weight loss blog out there. My cat could actually use one now that I think about it. She is even fatter than me. At least proportionally. She probably only needs to lose 7 pounds where I could stand to lose about 70. I like to chase her and watch her pannus sway to and fro (see "Pannus" blog). Is that wrong of me? At least we are both getting some exercise by running our fat asses around the house.

Cankles & Collarbones

I've had fat ankles since 8th grade, when I was actually underweight. The fattest kid in the class decided to point out that I had cankles! But I did have a completely flat stomach. Unfortunately that was the first and last time I was blessed with that gift. Notice that celebrities with perfect legs have ribs that u can see when they wear a low cut shirt. A collarbone you could use for a bookshelf. U can count her vertebrae like a stack of quarters, like a fish spine. 

Addicted to Jeans?

I'm down 25 and have about another 50 to go. I will probably have to live with only another 20 or 30 tho. Its really hard to get down there. The closest I ever got I was still on the fat end of thin. Probably technically still overweight and I was eating so little and exercising so much I couldn't tell if I was hungry or nauseated. And that didn't even get me down to skinny! Anyway....there is so much variation from one brand of jeans to the next when it comes to sizes. Some 16s are too loose but some 18s are too tight! So I've started buying jeans at Savers so I can have more jeans that actually fit when I'm in those in-between sizes. And I've found hot jeans (Gap, Maurices) for $6 to $12. It is still a challenge to find them long enough. I figure it is better to reward myself for losing weight by stuffing my closet with used clothes rather than stuffing my gullet with cheeseburgers or cheesecake.

Unibrows and Uniboobs

So I've lost about 20 pounds now in 2 1/2 months. I still can't get back into my favorite clothes but at least I am getting closer. Now that I have lost weight I have to start worrying about offensive body hair. When I was really fat I just figured that no one would look beyond the fat to even notice there was a mustache. Or a few beard hairs. Or a unibrow. But now I have 2 spend even MORE time on my appearance than just exercising and cooking. I hope that one day I will lose enough weight that when I wear a jogging bra I will just have 2 little flattened mounds (like a Skipper Barbie doll) instead of the glorius uniboob I currently sport.

Triggers

My triggers are pizza and birthday cake (the kind you buy from the bakery). I will eat pizza for lunch, an afternoon snack and then take the leftovers home and continue a weekend-long affair. The problem is that we always order way too many pizzas at work and I can't stand letting leftovers go to waste.

If either of these foods is in the building I spend a couple hours telling myself I won't eat it. Then I smell it and see everyone else pigging out on it. Thats when the whole "poor me/why can't I eat like everyone else can?" diatribe begins. It doesn't end until I take a bite. And after the intial piece it just tastes so good that I have 3 more. It becomes an obsession and I can't think straight because I know  that food is two doors away.  It calls to me all day until I eat it again and again and only ends when it is gone or has been in the fridge so long that it is dry and crusty and the microwave can't even resuscitate it. At least birthday cake only makes a rare appearance. But that butter creme frosting....
It is hard to be faced with the constant temptations but as I learned from the Great Sugar Cookie debacle, I am better off not eating any than trying (and failing) to eat just one. It really IS like being an alcoholic except that my behavior only hurts myself. I don't think any one else would be in danger unless I pushed them out of the way on the way to the pizza.

Gunt Toe

a.k.a. FUPA toe. For the uneducated out there FUPA stands for Fat Upper P***y Area. I think u can guess what combination of words were frankensteined together to form the word "gunt". The Urban Dictionary refers to it as Atomic Camel Toe, Camel Toe's Toe (U r so fat your camel toe has camel toe), Famel Toe and FACT (Fat Ass Camel Toe). You can even order t-shirts, mugs, mouse pads, bumper stickers etc. with ANY of their definitions printed on them. Brilliant! Yes, folks, you too can own a Pannus trucker hat. (See blog #2 for definition of pannus) I've just been noticing camel toe lately. And one person I know has been wearing her jeans WAY too tight so she's been sporting a gunt toe. How does someone look in the mirror, see that Fat Ass Camel Toe and think "Hey, I look good!" ?

Little Victories

So I finally squoze into those jeans I referred to in the Muffin Top post. I can actually sit down in them! They are still a little snug but right now everything is a little victory.
When I pass up the donuts at work.
When I suffer thru my co-workers pigging out on 7 layer mexican dip and tortilla chips day after day after day after day...

Random Thoughts

I lost 2.4 lbs this week even though I didn't exercise a lick. I've had some severe insomnia issues coupled with stress and a lot of activity so all of that seems to work even better than exercise. The activity consisted of cleaning and moving all weekend in preparation to try to short sell the house. Now its a bigger mess than when I started. And now to explain the Prince picture...
When I was 14 I was going to chnage my name to Electra X and join Princes' band. Oh yeah, I was also going to marry Prince. But he didn't know that then. Or now, for that matter. (He's still hot.)

Arm Flab

I lost up to 2 inches off my waist and thighs and an inch or so off other areas, but my gigantic arms have not budged! At this rate I will become like one of those flying squirrels, able to leap off tall buildings and then glide my way down to a safe landing on street level so I can window shop. I could put an eye out when I wave. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since I was 20. Back when I lost 114 pounds I could even hear my arm flab clapping me on as I ran and it slapped against my ribs. I didn't really appreciate applause from flaps of my own skin! By now you know that none of these pictures are actually of me. I am WAY too self-conscious for that. Thanks to google though I have these nifty pics to run with my posts.

cookies, my frenemies

I was weak and ate 4 sugar cookies today which converts to 12 points. The cookies were in the fridge at work and were made from scratch. I was able to resist their siren song all day yesterday, but after lunch today I decided to have just one. It tasted so good I couldn’t stop until I had polished off 4 of the suckers. My co-worker told me they weren’t even all that good (after she polished off 5 herself!) but they were the best thing I had tasted in weeks. I am a food-a-holic. I can’t stop at just one. I am better off just ignoring the food, as hard as it is, because when I finally get a taste it is so good that I lose all control. This must be similar to what an alcoholic goes through after her first drink. I was able to eat less the rest of the day and with a workout thrown in I ended the day just one point over my daily points. That’s what those 35 extra points are for – so you can have a slip-up and have it actually be part of the plan. Then you aren’t as tempted to just give up the diet completely when you fail.

Muffin Top

Another disclaimer: still not me! Today I tried on a pair of jeans that an old friend of mine had given me years ago. And no, she didn't lose weight, she actually outgrew them. Anyway, I've been trying them on weekly and now I can actually get the zipper and button closed, although snugly. I could wear them if I chose to stand all day but my job is pretty sedentary. I'd probably also look like this picture. But baby steps...or should I say baby fat?

Constipation Part 2

I discovered the cure to my constipation issue. I ate a cucumber the size of my forearm and that seems to have done the trick. Plenty of fiber AND water. I also had an awseome weigh-in yesterday. I have lost 10 pounds so far in 3 weeks.

Pannus

Disclaimer: this is not me. It is a photo I found via the magic of Google. I have always called the abdominal overhang either a fupa or a gunt. But the correct term is "pannus".

Pannus is a medical term for a hanging flap of tissue. When involving the abdomen, it is called a panniculus and consists of skin, fat, and sometimes contents of the internal abdomen as part of a hernia. A pannus can be the result of loose hanging tissues after pregnancy or weight loss. It can also be the result of obesity. A pannus can come in many different sizes and shapes and can become very large, even hanging down below the knees. The extra tissue of a hanging pannus can make personal hygiene difficult. Skin conditions such as yeast infections under the pannus are common problems. A massive hanging pannus can get in the way of walking. A smaller pannus can be an annoyance with clothing as the individual sits or stands. Pannus can be removed by plastic surgery operation called a panniculectomy (which is a type of tummy tuck). – from Wikipedia

Constipation!

So I’ve been on this diet now for almost 3 weeks and I’ve only lost 7.8 pounds. I think the biggest problem is constipation. When I diet my body likes to hold onto every last morsel of food and I might not poop for 2 or 3 days and when I do the output is negligible. So I went into my last weigh in with 3 days of food still in my body and only lost 1.4 pounds. I’m eating a lot of fiber so this shouldn’t be happening. And I don’t want to use laxatives and get caught up in any of that nastiness.

I've got more rolls than a bakery...

I've become an amateur expert in weight loss over the years but I am still an idiot at maintaining that loss. I have lost a lot of weight, and gained all, or most of it, back within a year or two. My biggest loss was 114 pounds and then I gained 80 back over the next two years. Luckily I've never gotten back to my all time high of 278 pounds. So I have picked up a lot of useful tips over the years and found some useful products. They work, its just that after a few months time I get tired of doing the work. I want to eat like a "normal" person but I realize I am not normal. I am every bit as much a junkie as someone addicted to an illegal substance. I wish that I could quit cold turkey but I will always have to eat in order to live. One weekend I went to a wedding and had a normal size meal and 2 small pieces of wedding cake. I gained 7 pounds! Thats the equivalent of having a few sips of beer and waking up to find I downed the whole keg. Anyway, feel free to post your experiences of losing (and gaining) weight or just reacting to mine.